The mystery is as follows: where exactly does kitten milk come from? Regular milk, as we all know, comes from cows. However, cow milk is exactly that: cow milk. People may drink it, but when the lactating cow has a calf, there will be specific nutrients in its milk that will aid a calf growing. And what is beneficial to a calf is not necessarily beneficial to a kitten.

So I thought that maybe regular cow's milk is taken, then seeded with the nutrients and compounds a kitten needs to grow. That would make sense.

Or, I then thought, isn't it more probable that a powder is made up, containing these important nutrients and compounds and such, and the powder is merely hydrated to form what looks like milk, but is really just a chemical froth. That is perhaps the more likely option.

And then the final possibility hit me: the one which ensured that the kitten milk is both actual milk and contains all the correct nutrients in all the right quantities with no need for chemist involvement: what if these kitten milk manufacturers simply milk cats?

Think about it. Aside from the tiny cost of creating machines to milk pregnant cats, there is effectively no extra cost to the company. Sure, they may have to feed the cats, but that problem can be easily circumvented by placing all the equipment in the back of a van, driving around until finding a heavily pregnant cat, kidnapping it for ten minutes and hooking it up to the machine, then letting it free and driving off again.

This does, however, bring about the problem of petrol consumption, which is considerably more expensive than the cost of a bowl of Go Cat.