"Is there anything I can assist you with?" he asked me.

"Why, yes!" I declared. "I'm looking for a new game for my Nintendo DS that will entertain me! Do you have any suggestions?"

"Not without knowing what it is you'd like, I'm afraid."

"Oh, I see ..."

"But you're in luck! Because if you just answer a few brief questions, I can make a suggestion that I feel will work for you perfectly!"

"Excellent!" I cried, leaping up a little bit. "Fire away!"

"Okay," he began, then brought out a clipboard he had been hiding. "Now, first question: would you like a game that emulates other successes but brings nothing new to the genre it resides within?"

"That sounds fantastic!"

"Excellent!" He made a few quick notes here. "Okay, next question: would you like a game with the most annoying, non-music-like soundtrack in the world that just playing it will make you want to kill yourself in any way possible, possibly even with the DS itself?"

I had to think about that one for a few moments, but at last I nodded and said that sounded good.

"Well, that's all the questions!" he said, replacing the clipboard behind his back. He then strode to the DS game display as I watched in anticipation, waiting.

"Zookeeper!" he announced, handing me a copy. "Enjoy it!"

And, of course, I didn't enjoy it. Because it's shit. Zookeeper is just fucking Bejeweled with shitty pictures of square animals and the worst soundtrack in the world! I will pay someone to take it off my hands, it's such a waste of time and space!

* Please note that the above event did not necessarily happen.